Alex Trebek?

Every child dreams of what they want to be when they grow up.  My hopes were three-fold:

1. Alex Trebek:  Yep, the gameshow host with the awesome mustache.  I remember sitting on the green and blue shag carpet of grandfather's living room, stomach full of dinner, watching Jeopardy.  I loved spending time with him.  
2. PGA Pro:  It was in that same living room, Sunday afternoons, where the light streamed in through the ancient oaks of the front yard and lit the room.  The warm light, combined with  hushed announcers and beautiful images of Andrews, Pine Hurst, and St. Andrews drew me to rest.  I could nap on the carpet, enjoying one of my Grandpa Owen's favorite past times.  
3. Missionary to China:  I can't remember when that dream started.  As I remember back, I don't think it was as much a dream as a duty that I felt like I was built to fulfill.  

I never became a Golf Pro, I haven't been able to grow much of a mustache, and I didn't go to China, but I did go into ministry.  It didn't matter that I didn't become all that I had hoped for, it was the hope that I loved.  The hope fueled passion.  

From six years old until just recently, I felt like I had a vision for who I wanted to be, what I wanted to do.  I've been driven by passion in most everything that I've done.   It drove me to evenings, with the car pulled up on the football field, it's headlights illuminating the goal posts so I could continue to practice.  It drove me to sleep on the couch in my office at Rosewood so that I could work late and start early to serve.  It's driven me, along with great friends, to dive deep into my heart and feel the heavy emotions that had been pent up there and to encourage others to do the same.  

I'm no longer a football player, no longer a youth pastor.  As I search my heart, I'm having a hard time finding a burning passion for the next chapter.  I love students, I love coaching, and I love doing ministry, but those things don't drive me, anymore.  I'm hoping for clarity, for the passion to grow inside of me for something new.  This is the first time, in my life, that I can remember not having a vision for what I want to do next.  

I want the passion back, for whatever it is that I would do next.  So I'm waiting, searching, and waiting some more.  I want it back, I want the hope for more, I want the passion back.